Cyanide & Happiness - Freakpocalypse (Episode 1)

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Platinum

About Damn Time

Return the overdue book to the Librarian

A Bushy Tale

Listen to the Bush's tragic story

A Long Road Ahead

Complete Part 1

Back In My Day

Listen to all of Grandpa TieGuy's stories

Blue Brailles

Deliver porn to Stevie Shades

Blue Shirted Eye Grabber

Acquire the lab technician's eyeball

Burned By Bernie

Listen to every one of Bernie's "Prune Swirl" insults

Chick'n Coop

Get credit card signature from Mothercluck'n Chick'n customer

Chill Out

Learn about 10 different ice cream flavors from Dr. Scoops

Creepy Peepy Boy

Gain access to the girl's locker room.

Desperate Times

Ask every person you possibly can out to prom

Die Of Boredom

Stand in one location without moving for 30 minutes

Distraction With Action

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch get into a fight

Distraction With Attraction

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch fall in love

Don't Slurp That

Give a condom to a boy in need

Every Town Has An Elm Street

Find a nightmarish costume

Eye For Detail

Use the retinal scanner in the Secret Lab

Get To Know Shark Dad

Have a conversation with Shark Dad.

Gotta Got 'Em All

Insult every object you can with your "Got 'ems"

Guerilla Marketer

Post all three of Sawyer's flyers

Hobo Habitat

Give Hobo Moe a new home

Hoochaholic

Deliver all the supplies for making fine toilet wine

Huff The Magic Dragon

Give Mark Hufferman a new marker

Hurt Me More!

Catch Mr. Murphy in his S&M outfit

Jeremiah 29:12

Convince someone that you're God

Judge A Book By Its Cover

Learn about 30 different library book titles

Juvenile Delinquent

Get arrested

Locker Blocker

Get access to your locker

Locker Stalker

Open every Kickstarter Backer locker in the school

Look Ma, I Can Fly!

Perform an aerial escape to avoid the bullies

Lost Prophet

Find every Jesus

Marriage Counselor

Help the Janitor by ruining Beverly's date

Mission Impassable

Reveal hidden lasers in the Secret Lab

Mission Permission

Forge a signature on the permission slip

My Girl

Get rid of the wasp nest

Not So Permanent After All

Alter your permanent record

Operation Intrude N313

Sneak into Golden Haze

Participation Award

Here you go! You deserve it! Everyone deserves it!

Printer Pal

Fix Grandma's printer

Project Runway

Collect every costume

Pummeling Puffs

Trick Patty into believing Ms. Puffs stole her lunch, then witness the beatdown

Puny Express

Mail out Gertie's scathing letter

Ready For Rod

Get a free pizza from Rod's Thick Pizza

Rope-A-Dope

Retrieve the rope in the school gymnasium

Scarred For Life

Give Drug Dealer some scar cream

Send Nudes

Deliver Grandma's racy photos to Bernie

Speed Demon

Complete Part 1 in less than 30 minutes without saving

Survivalist

Find both Ted Bear locations in Part 1

The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen

Stare at a bag blowing in the wind

The World Can Wait

Complete all optional sidequests

Third Wheel

Return the signed prom letter to Crystal

Your Lemons Suck

Get a pre-order for Lemon Abe's Lemon-Flavored "Lemon" Type Drink

Perma Peeper

Look at every Permanent Record in the Principal's Office

Freaky Flasher

Remain completely nude for at least 10 minutes.

Coming Clean

Find Señor Cleanfist.